the circular runner

running in circles–anxiety and procrastination rule the world!

In observations, writing on June 3, 2011 at 12:29 pm

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Why do I do it?  The “it” being sweating and sweating about something like a letter.  It’s just a query letter.  Not even a page in length.  Partly, this comes from everyone saying the same thing:  “The query letter is huge.” ” Oh man, don’t screw that letter up.”  I’m not denying it.  I know the letter is important.  There’s pressure there, and as I get older, I seem to do worse and worse under pressure.  But in the end, the letter is just a letter.  Less than 300 words.  I’m broke and still I have a good bit more money in the bank than the amount of words it will take to make a complete letter.

About ten minutes ago, I got a draft of something done, and I feel good.  But I could’ve had that same good feeling without all the drama of the last week.  I’m telling myself this because this weekend, I am continuing “the research–all the research” required to find the right people who might be interested in publishing Real Magic Doesn’t Sell, my first story collection.

This leads me to thinking about a movie that came out a few weeks back called Limitless.  I didn’t see it.  I don’t like Bradley Cooper, and though the plot line was interesting, the idea that Mr. Cooper could either be a schlumpy writer in the beginning of the movie or a genius by the end was, in either case, a leap that my limited mind could not make.  That said, I do think that if I could somehow harness all the effort I use to get myself to pumped up so I can then do something as simple as write a draft of a letter, I would be doing a whole lot more somethings.  For anyone who follows this blog, now you know why I changed its name.  Running in Cirlces is what I do because I procrastinate.  But I don’t rocrastinate because I’m lazy.  I’m not sure that there are a lot of lazy procrastinators out there, actually.  I see it all the time in my students.  They put things off because they are scared.  Scared of success, of failure, of ridicule for trying.  Sad.  Sad.  Sad.

Sadder still, I spend my days as a cheerleader for them, and then I spend my nights looking at an empty screen poo-pooing myself.  Bad.  Bad.  Bad.

OK, so I’m going to do a little cheer leading for myself.  It only took me five days this time to sit down and craft out a letter–a long, sad, sweaty and anxious five days, but hey, that’s ok.  Better than other times in the past.  I mean I still have a novel in the making–4 versions of 2/3 of a novel that I spent about five years sweating over to no success.  When I get this collection sent off, finishing a novel is next.  I can do it.  I can do it.  Yeah, team!!!

  1. Maybe you’d be interested to read a media student’s perspective on procrastination:

    …Or not.

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