the circular runner

Channeling My Inner Turetz

In life, media, observations, writers & books on December 2, 2011 at 6:23 pm

If you’ve been reading this blog, you know I’m kind of obsessed with Marc Maron‘s podcast, WTF. When I work out, I have to force myself to shut off the podcast and put on the Rocky theme, or the Elzhi or the Foo Fighters songs I need to pump my fat ass harder than I would if I were listening to people talking. But apart from that, if I’m not working or hangin’ with the wife, I’m listening to the anger and seething that is Marc Maron, and it’s affecting me.

Obsessions of any kind are not healthy, I know it. I’m also kind of obsessed with double espressos right now, and I know that’s not good, but the Marc Maron thing is affecting me more deeply than even the espresso. I can sleep the caffeine off-eventually. Maron’s affecting my speech, my thoughts. What the fuck?

Maybe it’s because I’m a writer, but if I listen to people talk for too long, I start to mimic them. At first, it’s kind of an afterthought. I’m talking and then out of the blue, some word or phrase comes out and I think, wow, that’s so-and-so’s line. My best man and ex-roommate in Brooklyn is one of the funnier people I know, and I can’t tell you how many catch-phrases that I make people laugh with are really his. I even say them with a southern twang because he’s from Alabama and that’s how he talks. I remember one summer, he told me about this really cheesy guy at work who was full of himself and who every time he tried to hit on a woman in the office, would come up to him and say, “You like that, Jeff? You like that?” The guy was a New Yorker with a Bronx accent, so Jeff started randomly repeating that phrase all summer with his Alabama-version of a Bronx accent, which I then took on as a California-version of an Alabama-version of a Bronx accent. To this day, if I see some cocky dude, it just pops out: “You like that, Jeff?” Jeff lives 3,000 miles away and I’m not talking to another Jeff, either. But that’s the phrase, goddammit, and I gotta say it the way I learned it.  YOu like that, Jeff? You like that? (Right now, I’m actually asking Jeff because I know he reads this blog.) So, Jeff, do you like that? I do.

Words, I guess, are kind of like shoes. There are phrases that fit and there are others that don’t. I work with young people and sayings like, “You feel me?” don’t get felt by me at all. They sound awkward and they get locked up in my throat like a chicken bone going in the opposite direction. (I’m using a lot of metaphors here: shoes and bones and…well, not that many.) So, it’s not like I’m a parrot. I guess I connect to Marc Maron, who doesn’t use metaphors at all.

But let me give you an example of what I mean about how Maron is seeping into my mind. If you listen to his podcast, and you should, he always does this slurping thing with his coffee followed by a hearty “POW!” There’s just something about the sound of the slurp and the percussive-P that makes me laugh out loud. It’s like all the saliva in his mouth water-logs his tongue making him sound like he’s drunk or old. I love it. I love it so much, in fact, that I now catch myself yelling out, “POW!” at random and sometimes inappropriate times. In the classroom, a kid finally gets fractions, and I’m like, “POW!” Another kid struggles with subject-verb agreement, he also gets a “POW!” right before I correct him. Driving down the street, my mind wanders and, then…”POW!!”

To make things even weirder, I also always laugh after I say this, which freaks me out because it’s like I’m channelling my inner Marc Maron “POW-ING” that then channels my inner-inner Me who is listening to me channeling my inner-Marc Maron and laughing at my…POW! I lost the strand of meta-stuff I was throwing out there.

Is this the start of Turetz? Can you Turetz-ify yourself? I’m a little bit of a hypochondriac, as is Maron, which is scary at another level, but it is also why I’m probably loving the guy’s podcasts. POW! Help me, someone. POW! I need…h…POW. POW. AND one more for the road, POW!

That’s it. I’m done. Time for a double espresso.

Marc Maron - Caricature

Image by DonkeyHotey via Flickr

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