the circular runner

Vegan Fascists at Whole Foods

In humor, life, observations, writing on December 12, 2011 at 12:03 am

Whole Foods, need I say more? Yeah, I better. There are a lot of things you can say about the store. I once got into a little bit of an argument with some people I work with about Whole Foods. They work for the “Community”—a word that doesn’t really mean anything unless it’s rooted in a context, which is great for people who work in non-profits. Though we are not corporations, we are corporate in one sense: we like acronyms and long meetings and phrases like community that sound so meaningful that no one ever dares to ask what that word actually means.

But I digress.

I got into an argument because someone was going off on the hack joke that whole foods should be called whole paycheck—LOL. It’s true, the place can be expensive. But then again, it’s not really more expensive than any other market if you’re comparing the same products. I mean, if you want Oreos, then you don’t really need the organic variety at Whole Foods, which are overpriced.  But, on the other hand, if you want a nectarine or a head of lettuce that isn’t funky and pestacized to death (your death) then I think Whole Foods is, relatively speaking, not outrageous. My defense of Whole Foods won me no friends in the room, but I was trying to be fair. I can live with that.

I say this even though now, I’m starting to think that fairness can suck it. Because last night, I went to Whole Foods and the cashier gave me a little lecture about my purchase, specifically, he was concerned with my purchase of meat. I know that in a recent post, I said that fascist is an overused word, so I wouldn’t let myself join that bandwagon. Well, originality, like fairness, can suck it.  I gotta call this one like I see it. My cashier was a vegan fascist.

The guy was classic San Fran. My wife thinks that means unwashed, but I’m not so sure. I think the point is to look unwashed because actually being unwashed is hard if you’re working—even in SF. It’s cooler and more ironic—qualities inherent in veganness—if you just pretend to be unwashed.

Anyway, so this guy had one of those giant ring-earing that was expanding his earlobe beyond reason. And he had the multi-colored arm tattoo running up and down most of his arm., which was pretty cool. I’m ok with all of it. I actually admire the commitment to that much body ink. I know I’m wrong about this, but I always assume that someone who looks like that will be cool, mellow, not judgmental, but no, inside this subversively faux-unclean self, was the heart of a fucking puritan.

Meat? Do I really need that it? That’s what the guy asked, and maybe he’s right. I don’t need the meat. But on the other hand, I don’t need the judgment, either.

  1. nice post! meant to comment on your last 3-4. you’ve been on a nice tear, I would say the last 4-5 definitely go in a compendium you should publish. Liked the carwash, will add a comment to it tomorrow.

    and, oh yeah, by the way, Trader Joe’s and Whole Foods can double suck it

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